Chocolate or Jesus?

What if-
when you are sad, you could just go eat chocolate and that would make you feel happier. It really would.
What if-
When you are upset, you put on sad music that only enhances your mood.
What if-
Well you know, I love doing both of those things. Well, I do love chocolate and I do love listening to sad music when I am already upset. You may be thinking right now, "Lindsay, where are you going with this?" Well, the thought pattern is such-
When I am upset, I am to go to Jesus and find relief in Him, rather than in chemicals that make me happy.
When I am sad, listening to melancholy music or secular music might make me think only more and more on the current struggle. Whereas music glorifying and praising Jesus, really does lift my spirit and I feel better.
Now, am I saying that it's wrong to do these things? Well, relying on chocolate to make you feel better, I don't know. Because then again, if I am sad, will I watch a funny movie to make me feel better? I guess it's different in the sense that with chocolate, it physically does something to you. But whether it's wrong to eat JUST to make you feel better, that is a subject for another day and time.
I don't think it's wrong to listen to sad music when you are sad. I love doing it. It's as Paul says, that all things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12
So, anyways. I can listen to sad music when I am upset, and that's ok. And should I eat chocolate to make me feel better? Maybe it's ok. In the end, I go with what Paul says, "All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable." If you don't have any problems, then it's ok for you. Paul continues with saying that your freedom shouldn't cause another to stumble. Just read 1 Corinthians 10. So whether you do these things or not, is not my deal, but wouldn't it be better to go to Jesus? And I'm saying this for myself as well. Number 1, it will strengthen your faith and draw you closer to your Jesus. It will make you more relient on Him. Number 2, your eyes will then be focused on Jesus instead of yourself, and we are called to fix our eyes upon Jesus.

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

And that is where I leave you today.
Seeking

Absolutely 100% helpless. Without Jesus that is

So, though I haven't written here in forever and a day, I just wanted a place to write the crazy things that go on in my mind and heart.
I am so tired of working towards something, in the spiritual sense. So tired of feeling like I have to do something.
Am I complaining? I should not. Or am I simply sharing?
I feel just so, I don't even know what word to say. I just want out of myself. I want to hit something so hard, I want to scream as loud as I can. Maybe the pain and insanity going on inside will be let out then. Sure, I can smack my bed or squeeze something really tight, but I just want to scream.
It hurts and I hate it. I'm pulled two ways and though I know that in the end, I will choose what is right, that doesn't make it any easier. It hurts. I'm so tired of this. Tonight I was thinking, what if I just started all over, got a new identity? Haha. Please don't misunderstand me, I am so incredibly blessed. I am just going through a hard time. BUT, that is no excuse to freak out.
I have an incredibly family, and all of my immediate family know the Lord. What a rarity and blessing. My parents are in love and I never see that changing. They follow Jesus and give us a great example. I have amazing brothers, who are there for me and love me. I have the most amazing sister, who is one of my best friends. My sister in law is wonderful and I love her to death, and I have the most gorgeous niece that anyone has ever seen.
I have incredible, faithful, loving, Godly, and just amazing friends. All over the world. They are examples to me, praying for me, and following Jesus.
And most importantly, I have my Jesus who never fails, never gets impatient, though I go insane some days. He is always there, throughout everything, and the best part, I know He always will be. And yet how little love I give Him. Lord, change me and make me more like You. Give me more love for You please. I love You.
You know Psalm 23, lead beside quiet waters. Oh how I long to be led beside quiet waters right now. I want to go out to some beautiful green meadow with a little stream and trees nearby. I want to rest against a tree and simply listen quietly to the birds sing and the creek flow. I long for that peace, that tranquility. That nothing is on my mind. Simple peace. The scent of flowers in the air, and if you look up, the sky is blue with huge white clouds. The sun is shining and there is just enough wind to make a rustling in the leaves on the big trees. I long for this place.
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Psalm 73:26